About The Native Concern:

I am a student. I am preparing for UPSC civil services exam since 2019. In 2020 I failed the upsc prelims exam. In 2021 just 10 days before the prelims exam, I decided to quit the exam, as the fear was too much, and I felt I am not prepared well enough, In 2022 I cleared the prelims exam , but for mains i was too scared so i decided to quit the exam. In 2022 I had decided to leave the upsc exam forever and do something else ,but my mother said to try once more. In 2023 again just few days before the exam i got too scared and left the exam. In 2024 again just before the exam i left the exam. This has become a pattern. I prepare the entire year but just before the exam for some reason I decide not to appear for the exam. My mother expects from me too much I just end up telling her due to some issue upsc cancelled my candidature I could not appear for the exam. I have been lying to mother since 4 years. I dont have courage to speak the truth that i am not well preparedand i am scared to give the exam. Ever since i have started my preparation something or the other keeps happening, health issues in the family, my sister was extremely ill for 2 yrs, death of close relatives , financial crisis, other disturbances, for the last 5 years I have not been able to have a routine or schedule, I have no discipline, I was never able to complete my goals, to complete my syllabus, I wasn't able to focus.. my preparation was haphazard. I am 26 now with no skills, just a bcom graduate, I come from a lower middle class background, I cannot afford to do MBA go into private sector. I am totally confused, I feel like giving up, I feel suicidal sometimes, please guide me what should i do, Shall I continue preparing for competitive exams upsc or banking or leave the government job preparation and try something else like doing masters or something. I just want to financially support my parents as the elder kid.

Native Chart Highlight:

upsc civil exam,